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Rewarding Myself

Whenever I have attempted to lose weight in the past, I do really well in the beginning but as soon as I have the smallest setback (a cheat day that turns into a cheat week or an unexpected plateau on the scale) I give up. Since I am the type of person who responds extremely well to positive reinforcement, I decided to tie my fitness success to earning things I like. I have a list of rewards that includes Jamberry nail wraps, LipSense lip color, books, kitchen accessories, jewelry, and several other things. I have a chart posted on the fridge and I give myself a point each day that I meet my calorie goal, drink the recommended 64 ounces of water or exercise at least 30 minutes. I also give myself a point for every pound lost and take away a point for every pound gained back. Once I reach 50 points, I can redeem them for an item on my rewards list. Here is my rewards chart:

Capture

As you can see on the bottom, I randomly chose my first reward to be an item from Perfectly Posh. I haven’t decided exactly which item but I think it will be something for pedicures. As I write this, I am at the end of day 3 and have earned 8 points. Hopefully, in addition to the long term reward of a healthier, happier me, the short term reward system will help me stay motivated. We shall see.

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Starting Over…Again

So here I am again, trying to lose the same weight I’ve been trying to lose since 2009. I gained 45 pounds during my first pregnancy. In the ensuing years the stress of life, another pregnancy and struggles with my anxiety have prevented me from meeting my goal. When I found out I was pregnant with my son I weighed 133 pounds which I thought was seriously fat for my 5’2″ frame. Here we are with that baby now almost 8 and about to start 3rd grade but I am still nearly 30 pounds heavier than that first prenatal weigh in. That 133 pound weight is my first goal and will be in and of itself a huge victory. If I can make it there, I would like to try to push myself to my ultimate goal weight of 125. My body and my life have changed so much since my scale last reached that number. I am married. I have two beautiful children. I have a successful career in Human Resources for a government contractor.

I have always struggled with my appearance, not just my weight, although weight has always been a problem. My mom is 5’6″ and barely weighs 100 pounds soaking wet. While I inherited most of my personality from her, I inherited all of my physical genes from my dad. Dark hair, dark eyes and the ability to gain 5 pounds by just looking at food. Due to mental illness and drug addiction, I wasn’t raised by my parents. I was raised by a group of relatives who treated me like a doll. They didn’t care about my feelings or desires, all that mattered was that I looked and behaved in the way they wanted. They berated me about my weight, bought me frilly dresses that didn’t fit in with my tomboy style and forced me to have long, thick hair that I hated. I rebelled by cutting my hair at 15, refusing to wear makeup and living in jeans and t-shirts. I left home at 18 and haven’t had a relationship with them since. For most of the following years, I held on to that rebellion. However, at the age of 32, I am starting to allow myself to explore my more feminine side. My nails are always done, I mostly wear skirts and dresses to work and I have even started wearing lipstick. One thing that won’t change, however, is the empowerment I get from having my short hair.

Part of this journey to self-exploration and self-love is deciding to finally get serious about getting my pre-baby body back. So here I am…again!